Aliens have landed. They certainly come in peace, but more than that, to educate the organisms that have seemed to cluster and clan together on this distant hideaway rock known as Earth. They’ve seen our admirably cute attempts to penetrate the planet we’ve squirreled away in, trying to breach the atmosphere we’ve come to depend upon like a mother, attempting to free ourselves from our tutelage by throwing hunks of hunks of metal through the air, hoping they go really really…really…high. They taught of the movement of bodies through space, a simple concept they claimed to be basic, essential, and fundamental after referring to their Languages of Earth phrase book multiple times. “It is like Astronomy for Dogs…ehh?” the three of them muttered out their foreign mouths, all six of them, two per capita, one for tasting and one for chewing, hoping what they perceived as a witty and articulate jab at Earth’s history of space travel beginning with the Russian space dog Laika would lighten the sense of alienation between teachers and pupils. Little did they know their students’ lack of interest in space dogs and perpetual shock at the sight of two mouths on anything.
After that, the hefty phrase book of all 6,912 Earth languages was heaved out the window (with aid of tractor beam), for the words to be sung to their pupils were too precise to be dealt with such a blocky book. The Aliens took idiom from dialects of tongues of every language they could skim through, contorting them all into the language they felt most comfortable in. The term comfy was clearly different between the two races of life, but the effect of such an indeterminate muck of sounds mixed musically in ears, as everything they said had no discernible meaning, no longer carrying with them hundreds of connotations and denotations to be rummaged through, but allowed to drop all that weight and describe something lighter than language.
The most important things focused upon was how time is considerably relative in space travel. The scientific implications of this were not to be touched upon yet because the basics of experience in motion needed to be illustrated with pictures in murals seen with ears. A chorus noise repeated end on end simulating the unchanging sense of stars passing a spaceship window. Rarely is there ever any great change in scenery when traveling in space, and so time that is kept through the notice of change in sunlight in the Earth’s environment or change in physical landmarks will be lost in space, but ultimately, the Aliens asserted, time corresponds to change. Traveling through the void of space can have some “interesting” effects on time, as they were about to illustrate musically.
The chorus of noise from the Aliens mouths kept steady but getting more intense, more complex, turning into melody of sorts. The passing sound streaked and scraped itself into attention like stars extending into bright white lines when entering hyperspace. All around the music mesmerized the students marveled at the spectacle they could see with their ears. Time passed so quickly in the instant of acceleration, but this was only the beginning. The recurring melody of stars burning into eyes and ears seemed to burn up time as well, annihilating time and making it of no consequence, students zooming by without taking notice of the great distance they traveled by way of the song the Aliens sung because the bright stars streaked across the windows without changing, melody keeping steady. The spaceship itself seemed to form out of the music being sung out of the Aliens mouths, down to the very last detail, including the ambient sounds of control panel beeps, radio transmissions, and the echo of an empty cabin. The Aliens began to play with the effects, slowing down from hyperspace into different rhythms and different melodies of stars, different songs. Soon, not just streaks of white could be heard outside the windows, but stars passing as moving dots, star systems with planets and other worlds that flew by, finally creating a series of events that could track time on a timeline and count it down with seconds of a music track. Time was recognizable to the Earthling as passing, just as the audio-scenery outside the window was passing. Soon then, these stars and planets became a melody itself, repeating end on end like a cartoon backdrop, an unchanging scene in the window of the spaceship that allowed the students to lose all track of time again, until the rhythm was changed, song changed, speed changed, and time was noticed again.
The Aliens enchanted their Earthling pupils with such control over time and space with a simple aural illusion and by proving that change corresponds to the relative experience of time, but their sleeves were big, and inside were many more tricks. The Aliens began to recall old melodies, speeds the spaceship had been at in the past, incorporating them into the scenes passing by the windows, showing them all of the stars and planets they’d heard before. The Deja Vu was serious, students claiming to have traveled back in time, others saying that no time has passed since the last occurrence of the melody. The Aliens laughed, but it didn’t screw with the song they sung, simply adding that joy to the song in improvisation. For the finale, The Aliens exhibited their audiovisual showmanship with inter-dimensional travel, seeping worlds of starstruck windows into each other where different melodies coexisted at different speeds. Earthlings were caught in confusion first, a violent confusion, because time seemed to exist in more places than one, each one conflicting with the other, calling each person to be subject to this time, no this time, no this one, no…this one. Therein lies the Aliens’ greatest lesson about time, is that only those who feel they must be slaves subject themselves to the tyranny of absolute time. The masters who bound planets like stepping stones want to kiss no other master’s feet and instead stay complacent with the chance that comes in changing times, letting themselves live not in fear of melting clocks.
This experience, sadly, had completely fried the students brains, and were now no more capable of scratching their ass than breathing. The students were returned to Earth, dazed from the concert they had just been privy to, and are currently being rehabilitated.
The above is all of the information about the abduction of 2007 by a group of extraterrestrials known as The Aliens.
A Band of Bees – Octopus
The Beta Band – The Three EPs
Super Furry Animals – Guerilla