Whitey : The Light at the End of the Tunnel is a Train

Just reading the name of this artist makes me think of that scene in the film Black Sheep where a stoned Chris Farley is working the crowd at a Rock the Vote concert in Seattle, getting the crowd all revved up, sliding on his stomach and then unwittingly screaming “Kill Whitey!” only to shock the crowd and hear a pin drop. I myself could declare the same after listening to this album which is about as dry as one of Estelle Costanza’s omelets, but when I say it I don’t mean it as in kill Whitey, literally. No, I mean kill as in “turn that shit off.” Yup, it’s that limp.

N.J. Whitey is obviously a dude stuck in an identity crisis, not knowing whether he wants to be post punk, electro, minimalist indie rock, or neo new wave…and it’s annoying. Whitey is a band that just doesn’t try to do anything exciting or interesting with their fizzy beats, brittle guitars, and trite chirpy synths. It’s like the music played at a dance for middle school age hipsters but where each one of them are all overly shy, the boys on one side and the girls on the other, as they wait in vain for Homer Simpson, Groundskeeper Willie and a tidal wave of fryer grease to come flying through the vents in order to provide the entertainment.

The siren of “Y.U.H.2.B.M.2.” has Whitey delivering the mantra “Why’d ya have to beat me?” I don’t know exactly who he is talking to but I can take a pretty good guess as to why the beating was delivered. On the Detroit techno laced “A walk in the Dark/Reprise” Whitey sings like he’s about to fall deep into a morphine induced stupor at any given moment and dishes out the melancholy Paxil pop of “Can’t Go Out, Can’t Stay In.”

Whitey obviously has had somewhat of a decent schooling in his musical knowledge, which shows on the bumping “Tantrum” but all in all he’s tantamount to Good Will Hunting—a heap of potential is there but not being applied. The Light at the End of the Tunnel is a Train gives off the impression on the surface that it’s here to make you want to dance, but in reality it’s like watching two old turtles engaged in coitus.

Similar Albums (to listen to instead):
Imperial Teen – On
The Juan MacLean – Less Than Human
LCD Soundsystem – LCD Soundsystem

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